Letting Go of the Attachment to the Outcome

Revolutioniz.com likes to say that shaking life up a bit with new paradigms of thought tends to open doorways to a touch of chaos as one begins the trek.  I'd have to add an "amen" to this one.  I suddenly and quietly came to an awareness - or rather, had one gently wash over me:  Letting go of the "attachment to the outcome" brings amazing freedom and allows one (me!) to stretch my boundaries of "what if's."  The insane asylum of my past marriage with a narcissist/psychopath and his oddly highlighting clan, will be a part of my life and thinking patterns - and this is actually a good point of reality.  It mandates a little clarity be undertaken regarding belief in choice, responsibility, accountability, and the freedom to start, stop, and change (Hubbard). 

Time is such a fascinating tool.  However we accept the premise of this compartmentalized aspect of creativity, whether "it" exists or serves only to illustrate and measure change, some formatting of this concept is required to witness the expression of altered living energy from the idea state to the physical playing field.  As I am becoming clearer on my own deliberations about belief and power in the process of innovative imagination that we call "life," I recognize amazing energy.  I'd like to smile boldly and state that I "get it."  Unfortunately, I don't grasp the formula and schematics totally; however, I do feel the power and sense the accumulated possibilities that are so close and yet, remain just beyond reach. 

In my own experiences, Time appears to need mindful lucency and almost two-weeks to bring a wish to fruition on this plane of reality.  Maybe this is a type of sieve and filtering system to allow each of us to evaluate our choices before they manifest.  As my personal development continues in the aftermath of the upsetting awakening to the portrait of my life journey with many a bump along the way, I recently had my laptop fail to return from the land of black screen death, my antiquated pc tower valiantly attempt to reboot all to naught, and my ancient automobile simply stopped, as if to say, that's all there is.  I might have collapsed into a puddle of angst, fear, and utter frustration, but I didn't - there was a momentary flash of fear...but then there was "thought." 

The help of my daughters, son-in-law, and tremendous generosity of my brother and his wife flew in as some invisible super heroes to offer aid.  These people opened their hearts, wallets, use of vehicles, and compassion - without maudlin sympathy.  Suddenly I experienced a wave of the sense that I was not only "worthy" and valuable in my meager way, but that I had touched the template of something grand and astonishing.  Emotions - so many in the lower ranges of my experience within the Stockholm syndrome of my marriage and feelings of utter loss, apprehension, and alarm that my beliefs may not have been valid - seem to serve as a tether to particular states of being and the stronger the band of feeling, the tighter the chord binds one to that place and state.

In an episode of an old "Star Trek," Spock, Capt. Kirk, and some other comrades were trapped in an energy field.  Spock who could dampen the projected expanse of his energies (especially fear in the fight-or-flight mode), was the one to decrease the intensity of the prison's dynamic power fluctuations and pass through the barrier to freedom.  Looking at Vedic philosophy, there always exists choice of pathway.  If I understand the knowledge of this terrain, repercussions don't really exist when one is "on the path of enlightenment."  The struggles and points of "re-do" occur only when ego and emotional attachment take place.

Oddly, the wisdom remains freely available, but the student graps it only when he is ready to release old ideas of self and "shoulds."  Gratitude accompanies me along my own walk today.  Melodie Beattie states it so well: "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.  it can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."