I have been fascinated by the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruse divorce developments and the connection to Scientology. My close family members were once keenly involved in the technology and rising on "the bridge" of this looking glass thread of reality creation. Although some became power mongers and slid past the idea of the dynamics of connectivity and responsibility, believing that their superiority altered personal ethics and permitted them to abuse relationships, others remained faithful - quietly so - to the tech, itself. I remember the definitive lines of ostracization with the "wog" world because those of us "lesser beings" were not of the same caliber. Nonetheless, I found and still find amazing cognizance, skill, and power within the teachings of dealing with this world and its many presences. The communication techniques alone stood me in terrific stead UNTIL I ran into a psychopath and his oddball clan. In truth, even during this period, the methods were valid - especially the "choice to communicate or not." Unfortunately, I became stuck in the need to "right the scenario" and have a "happily ever after" ending.
The great gurus of "what if" in the 40' to 50's - Napoleon Hill, Emmet Fox, Norman Vincent Peale, Ernest Holmes, Claude Bristol, and numerous sci-fi authors - have touched my being and offered doorways for comprehension of others, but most auspiciously, of myself. Jim Channon of the First Earth Battalion was the core of the movie, "Men Who Stare at Goats." There are so many portals of "just maybe" that we fail to understand. Somehow much revolves around a huge overview and self-introspection of the rightness of actions and the ripples of those choices.
My daughter posted photos of my family on an adventure to a ghost town yesterday. I looked at my pictures showing wrinkles, lumps, bumps, sags, and antiquity and was at first surprised. Just as in the movie, "The Mirror Has Two Faces," Lauren Bacall's character says, " I look in the mirror and I'm old...but I feel young...like a kid," I can say that I share that sentiment. One of the techniques from Scientology is to peer into a mirror, blinking as infrequently as possible, and watch the changing faces of oneself. Could it be one's familial lineage? Maybe. Could it be oneself through the dimensions of time? Perhaps. But I am always astutely aware of the eyes. And this is now, more than ever, the way I see myself in "life in the aftermath of a narcissist." I am changed. I have reclaimed many of my old - no matter how oddball others may declare these - ideas.
MOST importantly, the fear of separation and not being understood or found within company of agreement has dissipated. My beliefs hold validity for me. And along with this freedom has arrived a kindness in allowing others their choice of beliefs. I still have no blanket answers for this world of reality, but my appreciation for the splendor has sky rocketed.
Many share terrible tales of abusive situations for the soul in their dealings with Scientology, some within my own family. Others remain faithful to the technologies. Some, of course, have joined the ranks of the "priviledged" and find that we who struggle and work on our place in the scheme of things may not be deemed worthy. I find myself kinder, less afraid, and more strongly steadfast in my belief systems. I have a feeling that ultimately, this may be the entire purpose of lifetime or times.
Having survived the ordeal of a psychopath, the trek through the bowels of the "Twilight Zone" where nothing fit the parameters of my selfhood and ideals, and a coming to be OK with me even if I discover myself island-locked, I am reminded of Ursula le Guin's "Turn of the Lathe." No matter where we locate ouselves on the growth spectrum, we have the option of evaluation, cognition, emotion, decisions, and awareness that our control is of ourselves. The slippery slope involves others, but the best of us in humanity can be accountable while allowing others their creativity. "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end" (Ursula le Guin).
Unlike your, Becky,I found no redeeming quailites made there way into the consciences of those around me involved in Scientology; on the contrary,I found that it made for more excuses for thier intentional failings....on the other hand, I , too identify with Lauren Bacall's line. [I am very fond of the lesson from that movie].I have to say that I am surprised EVERY TIME I look in a mirror; on the other hand,I know where this face has come from and all it has gone through to get this way.Although I would not , ever, want to relive one moment,I am glad from what I have learned, taken and grown from the making of the lines and sagging.
ReplyDeleteYes, I hear that, Tonette. My uncle whom I loved was a dyed-in-the-wool believer....he was under-educated and the niche he located where he could beome one of the "chosen" was distasteful many times. He became so full of the idea that "whatever he wanted" would be right for others that he assaulted me. He stopped short - because I fought? Aware of some terrible repercussions if he continued? For whatever reason, it certainly affected "the family" for many years. Some members chose to ignore it...some to disbelieve...as time has passed, I have changed. When my mom was so involved and highly critical of my brother and me, my affinity for her and the group was not high. She fled the organization's Washington org and her turmoil and physical precipitations were what one finds in survivors of psychopathic encounters. It is interesting to note that the "old guard" of steadfastly loyal to the technologies had offshoots and did not agree with the direction the group took. It was told to me that Scientology and government remote viewing vied for control at times. Having been through the wringer with a psychopath, I don't think that I could be indoctrinated. By the way, I like how you grow - the quieter approach to sharing your ideas without invalidating the other guy.
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