This post deals with my comprehension of my own evaluations and the need for validation as I work with myself on this leg of my journey away from the insane asylum of life with a narcissist/psychopath. In my entrepreneurial work with some elderly clientele, I dealt with a lovely wheelchair bound lady. Just beginning to work with her as a bath aide, I was shocked and a bit shaken by a sudden change in her strength as I transferred her from wheelchair to shower chair. As I was introduced to her, she talked of using the transfer board, however, with my first visit which was to occur weekly, I became aware that she could not use a disabled arm for support or pulling motion. She required being lifted from wheelchair to shower chair.
With the second visit, I became acutely aware of declining strength and even a sense of lack of caring for the process from my client. With no previous time with this special person, I tried to communicate with her long time housekeeper who provided transportation, errands, grocery shopping, and general housekeeping but on a bi-weekly basis. I must have come across as addled and my upset was not understanding the situation for the lady and the physical needs that had changed. The charming housekeeper decided she would take the lady to the doctor, maneuvering her wheelchair to car and into and out of the doctor's office. The lady seemed totally upbeat and made the trek with enthusiasm - indicating that my perceptions had been unfounded.
I was stumped and shaken because I simply didn't "get" what was occurring. I share this because this experience highlights much of my "recuperation" from life in the aftermath of a narcissist/psychopath.
Looking back, I finally see that I'm not insane and that what I felt was occurring now makes imminent sense.
The lovely lady had been with her senior companion of an agency for this purpose for over a decade. As I had just begun my work with her, this kind gentleman fell ill and as he continued to come for visits and to do small household jobs and errands, his health sloped into a downward spiral. The lady began to talk to me about her two now deceased spouses, and how this gentleman and she had become much more than the roles of senior citizen and "senior companion." They had become friends and much more than that. As she expressed to me, in another time and place they might have shared a kiss and even marriage.
When trying to evaluate with the housekeeper because there was no family known to me with whom I could speak, the housekeeper felt I was mistaken. And a subsequent trip to the dentist found the lady more energetic with the chauffeuring housekeeper . So, it appeared my evaluations came from no sound basis.
Learning to look, comprehend, and even communicate differently after the ordeal with my own psychological trek into no-man's land, I see that I turned inward, questioning my own abilities to perceive. I sought agreement in some form. And while on this point of shifting sand, I became more emotional. No wonder I appeared as a "nutter"...I sought an answer and failed to understand that situations are viewed from experiential points of observation.
For a while, I wanted to have the housekeeper understand what I had seen, but that is unnecessary. Now, looking back over these few short months, I DO understand the precipitated changes in the lovely lady and that my own compassion and evaluations were on the mark.
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