As in life there may be bumps along the way. Three of us adults - my daughter, her sister, and I - handled the bowling event with the 5 and 6 year-olds, the refreshment and cake with drinks location, and the two girls who really didn't want to be present and kept trekking to the game machines. Activities were moving forward swimmingly when a couple of points to be handled popped into reality. Two youngsters showed who were invited by a well meaning classmate. And the two girls who remained reluctant attendees told me they didn't want to be a part of it, parents having departed the scene.
As my daughter and I greeted the unexpected guests I handled the need for them to bring a parent or a note from the parent telling my daughter they could attend..."and it was so" (grin). Within 15 seconds of lapsed attention on the part of us adults, the two "reluctant cousins" had toppled and gutted a Jerry's Kids candy machine. Two very active little 5 year old boys had exuberantly entered the category for "how much candy from the felled machine can you shove into your pockets?" My daughter, a great single mom, had a split second to make decisions which would involve the evolution of the party and its remaining 15 party-goers. She decided to call the parents of the four "catalysts of anarchy" and have them taken home.
The two young followers were picked up by an embarrassed mom and were sorry...so was my daughter who felt compelled to follow through with the decision. The two recalcitrant 6 year-olds, sitting repentantly at a table for the first time actually within our party group, were met by a barreling bull of a verbal grandmother who staged a fit of outrage that would have easily won an Academy nomination. " My granddaughters would never have done such a thing. No one is ever sent home from a birthday party. It just isn't done! You shouldn't host a party if you can't control the children." Huffing away with the gifts brought, she promised the girls a much better time at a local swimming resort.
My first thoughts were "how can we make this better without playing parent, after all it's only a couple of hours." But as I thought of this scenario, two ideas came to me. I had been such a grandma (hopefully not quite as colorfully aggressive) in my eager battles supporting my grandchildren - a heavy sigh of chagrin here. The other mental process brought a memory of the phrase continually written and uttered by those dealing with the school systems: "where are the parents and training of skills and social acceptability?"
Accountability exists. Yes, so does flexibility. But just how does our culture develop into maturity if no guidelines are set? Well, it doesn't...behaviors must be moderated because we share this social network together. There was no small angst as my daughter made her decision: school connections, seeing the grandmother at her work and at school, how would she be perceived, how would the children departing and those staying respond, what effects would this have on her sons' party and afterward?
The time and ease of passing consideration with 20/20 hindsight would leave her wrestling with the concluding firmness. As for the ongoing party, no one noticed and all had a ball. The owner of the bowling alley helped clean up the mess and right the machine which required no damage payment. The birthday celebration ended with happy faces and goodbyes.
I think about my excursion into the abyss of emotional upheaval with a narcissist/psychopath and his nutter clan and realize that I, too, finally made split-second decisions that would ultimately lead to my reinstatement among the land of the living. Are choices easy just because they fall within parameters of appropriateness? No...there may be fallout. What was the intention of the determination? Was it based on a value of ethical standards?
Finding one's connection to that inner being may take some time and no small effort, but the business of this life seems to revolve around the dynamics of a manner of existence, relationships, and the ripples in the pool that move ever outward. So, this goes out most especially to the teachers - formal and otherwise - within our midst. Thank you. Thank you for attempting to see the big picture while working on life's little obstacles. Thank you for standing fast in accordance with your ethical core. Thank you for changing when necessary to accommodate the inclusion of new information and evaluations. And with deep appreciation, I thank you for caring, feeling, and sharing the intended design of the best of yourselves. "A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."
I believe, as hard as it was, that H did the right thing, Becky. With as many Scout functions, b-day parties, school parties and functions I have attended &/or been responsible for, children whose aults do not teach them social responibiliies are not going to learn them by being allowed to ruin yet another function. If the adults who have charge of them don't or won't be civilized by the refusal of others to put up with such behavior, maybe, just maybe, the children themselves will realize what happened;i.e., their behavior and the consequences. Your daughter MIGHT have done them a favor, but she CERTAINLY did one for the other children who came to behave and have a good time.
ReplyDeleteGod bless your little ones and I hope all you gals got some good 'feet-up' time!