Sandra L. Brown's latest article on the degrees of pathological behavior

I find that I, myself, have changed quite drastically in the way I look at life and communicate.  It appears from my perspective that all around me are full of attempts to manipulate....especially in the self-employment realm.  But what distresses me is my response...and even after all this, I still automatically try to "make it all OK."  Odd, because the slightest attempts at manipulation genuinely "set my anger" on auto-run.

In working with elderly clients, I have found many utterly delightful...many who need so much and simply can't afford it...and many whose family members (if well heeled) demand much...partially it appears that they want to "give freely to help the loved one" and for another reason, to appear beneficent. 

I recognize that I am coming from a strange land in this recovery.  I need very much to work on "just being me from the gut outward."  I find that being in a service industry causes me stress and the levels are amazingly high. 

Choosing to work with the elderly - because there was a need for this and money available for developing my little business to put food on the table...and a little extra - was probably not the best plan for me, personally.  My personality and perspectives have changed after being so used by my ex-narcissist/psychopath's mother.  Demands and a black hole of never ending need.  So, I am having to restructure my little enterprise...more toward solitary cleaning perhaps. 

I heard a tidbit on a Law and Order, Criminal Intent show talking about Asperger's Syndrome.  There was much empathy for the "sufferer" and little was told about what happens to those serving this folks.  The lack of empathy of the patient is much like psychopathy...  It will be interesting to have more data on the interconnectedness of all these illnesses and "stops along the psychological continuum."

In looking at myself in the midst of these little situations - and they are very small, but to me they FEEL huge - I see that I still have a LONG WAY to go in becoming more like the me I wish to cultivate.  I feel quite the misfit in many ways....and suspect this is part of the process.

I reread bits and pieces of Dr. Robert Hare's Without Conscience.  Sometimes lacking care looks a bit appealing.  This convoluted experience and the relationship with psychopaths takes a toll...and it will inevitably take a toll on our social structure and belief systems.